reiki was something i'd been interested in for awhile. it began when someone happened to tell me that i could have some energy-healing abilities, which was the first time i'd really heard of the topic. from then, i'd loosely researched reiki and felt called to it for some reason, though i wasn't sure why. i wasn't suffering from chronic physical pain (or so i thought), and i wasn't necessarily looking for a massage, but i was interested nonetheless.
however, as my yoga practice progressed and i became more advanced, i began to become more and more aware of extreme tension i was holding. my hips and shoulders were incredibly tight. in poses which use flexibility at these points, extreme pain surfaced, and i could feel a certain sense of energy being clogged or halted there. as well, i had begun to experience strange electric sensations throughout my body. touching metal, i was often shocked, even at times when the weather wasn't particularly cold or there wasn't an outlet nearby. as well, in the mornings or after sitting for long periods of time, whenever my feet hit the ground, it felt like an overwhelming energy was being forced into my bones to the extent that my ankles could not handle the pressure. i had never experienced such sensations, and it made me consider energy healing even more.
in the last few weeks, i began looking at reiki healers in my area, and i decided on one nearby who was very highly regarded for her personal approach and incorporation of shamanic techniques. in the beginning of the session, i explained the physical sensations occurring which i felt may be due to emotions manifesting physically. we conversed over how my past traumas of which i had not entirely integrated were surfacing in certain areas of my body as well as how i could be carrying pain from generations past, as women tend to hold onto the unsolved suffering from female ancestors. we each drew an oracle card for the session, me picking meditation and her choosing sister's healing, which were both extremely relevant cards as meditation has begun to play an important role in my life, and female healing energy is something i've felt called to search for.
i then eventually laid down on the reiki table which included a special amethyst mat. she explained to me how it conducted negative ions (or something like that) that energetically matched the sensations felt when one is out in nature. after a few minutes of her simply moving her hands over my body and speaking softly to assist me in relaxing, she began singing and whistling as she mentioned she may do if she feels called to channel. she then brought out a maraca to cleanse my existing energy, and this is when the experience became extreme.
her singing and maraca-shaking increased, and i felt the energy field of which she had eased me into opening up become incredibly sensitive. all of a sudden, an incredible amount of fear rose out of my physical body and overwhelmed it along with the energetic extension of myself. it was as if all of the fear i'd ever felt in my life and repressed had come to surface. it was so heavy, i believe i was also experiencing the fear of ancestors from generations ago. my mind was blinded by the painful sensation, but i felt the need to purge it all, and so i did not fight it at all. it was so all-encompassing, i felt the need to cry, but could not produce tears as all my energy was simply focused on feeling the fear itself. in my past, i lived in a constant state of dissociation from my emotions, most of which were fear-based, and this choice to undergo reiki was part of my search to emotionally integrate. i knew there was so much buried deep within, but i had no idea the extent of how internal it was. the pit of my stomach felt like a ball of fire reaching deep down into the magma of the earth, which was also led to the core of my soul. it drew out everything i'd decided was too intense to bear, all the numerous traumas i'd refused to truly process, and all the parts of me i deemed unacceptable to display and therefore was constantly hiding. this experience couldn't have lasted more than a few minutes, but the nature of it made it seem never-ending.
once she ended singing and playing the maraca, she began doing light pressing on my tense points, and my extreme fear completely subsided. i felt incredibly relaxed. even after her hands had left a particular area, the heat remained, and it felt like i was being cradled all over, both physically and energetically. i felt pressure loosening up whenever tight areas were activated by her energy. strangely, it all seemed tied to a pit or ball in my stomach, though this wasn't painful at all. it was as if all my energy was connected to a single point but needed to be realigned in some angles.
after she finished, we discussed the session, and i recounted my fear-purging experience. she told me she could tell i was extremely sensitive to the process, and that while she didn't know what was going on in my emotional world, she was trying to be very gentle as i was delving into the treatment very quickly.
i share this because i believe it is not considered often enough how emotionally-connected certain physical ailments are. ancient medicine often realized this, but in today's modern society it has not carried through. my experience was undeniable, even though i did go into it unsure and somewhat skeptical of the process. to bury trauma is not to destroy it. it will resurface, and i am so thankful that i was able to undergo this integration with the help of such a healer. i know i am not the only one with symptoms like mine, of which i believe the cause was repressed fear. i am highly sensitive to outside stimuli (people, sounds, drugs, anything; it could be due to having neptune in my first house very close to my ascendant if astro-babble means anything to you), and it was extremely powerful to be assisted in a compassionate, intuitive manner with these painful energies.
i plan to undergo follow-up sessions in the future to further release tension, as i know i have not at all gotten through most of it. i also encourage anyone who is interested to try it: if you are feeling called, even without a specific reason (as i was), it is for a reason. the body holds onto what we try to forget if it is something we must learn from and incorporate, no matter how hard we may try to destroy it.
*note: photograph is not from reiki space.